Into the Search

Reading

I've gone to find Myself, because I've lost Myself again. I would like to inform Myself, so please tell Me when I come by, that I'm looking for myself and myself is looking for Me. Oh, and, We hope to find Us soon. You have to understand, I could not bear Myself, the way I was. So I decided to leave Me behind. Unfortunately, I'm now looking for My Original Self because I hate the Me I've become. Never again shall I forget the other parts of Me, just to please the world.

The way the world is, it tries to shape each and every One. Only Me, Myself, and I can be in charge of what We become. Me, Myself, and I. We are all different in amongst Ourselves. Me and I are the ones that I've become over time, but Myself is just a reflection of that. Through Your eyes, though, We are perceived as One. Time has changed the way I was and now I see Me as I never have before. It knows every minute detail of Me, Myself and I. We became split, into a personality of contradictions and that's when the trouble began. I tried to be Me, but it never seemed to fit. I felt as though I was in a suit tailored to fit My deflated ego. To Myself, it never even occurred that I could change, until I ran off, leaving Me behind. A change that was once welcomed by Me, is now rejected by Myself and I. I shall not be Whole until We can agree on what I am to become. Coming, going, never stopping. That is why Me, Myself and I cannot find one another. I'd like to find My better half and mend My broken ways, so please tell Myself, where I am, if you happen to meet Me coming along. I'll be the One with the look of hopelessness. And remember, It never hurts to point me in the right direction.

Thanks again,

Me, Myself, and I

Reading

My skin is kind of sort of brownish
Pinkish yellowish white.
My eyes are greyish bluish green,
But I'm told they look orange in the night.
My hair is reddish blondish brown,
But it's silver when it's wet.
And all the colors I am inside
Have not been invented yet.

Reading

The Frisbee, he got tired of sailing
To and fro and to;
And thought about the other things
That he might like to do.
So the next time that they threw him,
He turned there in the sky,
And sailed away to try and find
Some new things he could try.
He tried to be an eyeglass,
But no one could see through him.
He tried to be a UFO,
But everyone knew him.
He tried to be a dinner plate,
But he got cracked and quit.
He tried to be a pizza,
But got tossed and baked and bit.
He tried to be a hubcap,
But the cars all moved too quick.
He tried to be a record,
But the spinnin' made him sick.
He tried to be a quarter,
But he was too big to spend.
So he rolled home, quite glad to be
A Frisbee once again.

Gwen Warman

Hello, my name is Gwen Warman. I am a senior and in August (after most of my friends), I will turn 18. I will be a bonafide adult, then I will go to college, my life will be flipped over and turned inside out, and I can't wait for it to start. But at the same time I am scared out of my mind. During these past 2 years I have taken more tests than I can count, gotten over fifteen pounds of college mail and written six essays, all in an attempt to find the place that will "decide my future" and get in.

In Oh, the Places You'll Go, Dr. Seuss wrote "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You are on your own. You know what you know. And YOU are the guy who will decide where to go." Knowing this is really the case is one of the most incredible feelings. Everything I know will change and it's up to me to decide where to start. Just deciding where to go is almost as scary as going. I used to think that your college, your major, and your first job decided your career and subsequently your LIFE, but the fact is that just isn't true anymore.

High school is a time of discovery and change and I think in may ways it is the most important part of shaping who we become yet at the same time who we are is constantly changing. To me high school is kind of like a condensed version of life. It includes most everything we think of, reinventions of the self, love, work, fun, disappointment, and endless possibilities. I have realized that we all have the ability to change our lives pretty much anytime we want but that doesn't mean every change is easy or that it will make us happy, it is just possible.

All of the changes and trials we go through in high school are very much like all the changes and trials we will face in life. Finding your true self among thousands of others trying to do the same thing is quite a challenge, but high school is where it really starts to happen. Finding yourself isn't easy for anyone and it takes time to become comfortable with who you are, what you want from life and what you have to offer. We start the day we are born and the inner search lasts as long as we live. We change and conform to different molds all the time, always with the same core but the exterior changes. We go through many roles and personalities.

Applying to college has forced me to look at these past years in a different light. Not so much at what has happened, but what I have learned and who I have become, what parts I have kept, what I have lost, and what I have added to myself. Sure I lost some childishness and innocence but I have gained in maturity, I have kept a strong will and compassion, I have also added some cynicism and some optimism.

To me, finding yourself isn't about finding the person you think you are and never changing but always staying true to yourself in the changes by being true to your values and ideals and changing only because you want to. To be able to do this we must not forget the things we used to be, or do, or wanted to be, our past is as much a part of who we are as our decisions about the future which are also an extension of who we are. The search is about just that searching, searching for the things that show us different parts of ourselves and giving them expression or leaving them be for the time but not ignoring them even if all the attention we need to give is to acknowledge to ourselves a part of us that exists and then simply letting it go. I know I still have a lot to learn about life and myself but it doesn't bother me because I know that everyone I will ever meet is searching for some elusive part of themselves and that whether you are a teenager or a parent of a teenager you are likely to be looking for something. We are not alone in our searches, that are our own but everyone we know is searching and we are all connected in so many more ways than we could ever be disconnected.

My Own Person

"You're adopted? Wow! I never know that!" . . . "You look so much like your mom!" . . . "Do you know your parents, I mean your real ones or whatever they're called?"

These are the questions I almost always get when people find out that I'm adopted. By now I'm sort of used to the inquiries. When I was younger, comments like those used to anger or surprise me. Now I'm older, I tend to be more tolerant and realize people are just curious and aren't looking at me like I'm some sort of freak in a circus. Usually my answers to their questions are the same. I give them some glib answer along the lines of "well now you know" . . . when they first find out. The other questions I find kind of funny. I think I look nothing like my mom. She has brown hair; I have blond hair (or red depending on if I dye it again). She is short; I'm tall. She has really blue eyes: I have eyes that change from blue to green! They only think we look alike because we're mother and daughter. As to the last question, most teens my age don't know that the proper term is biological parents, instead they come up with some teen lingo to express what they mean, hence the "whatever they're called" part of the question.

The one question though I have a hard time handling is whether or not I want to ever meet my birth parents. To tell you the truth I don't think I do. It's not as though I don't want to know things about them, don't get me wrong, it's just that I'm beginning to finally find myself for who I am and not who my parents are. To finally be almost independent of my parents, my adoptive ones . . . is a wonderful feeling because I have the freedom to do what interests me and take my own initiative in doing so.

It was hard growing up and having kids find out I was adopted. There were still the derisive and ignorant comments that kids who didn't know me as a person would make. As everyone must remember kids can sometimes be the cruelest people. They can tune in on your exact fears and exploit them. Ironically enough the most hurtful thing that has been said to me was by some else who was also adopted. When I was in 7th grade one of my friends and I got into a discussion about adoption somehow. Hers was an open adoption, which meant her birth parents and her adoptive parents had met face-to-face. Mine on the other hand was a closed adoption, where the sets of parents just read an essay written by the other. Our discussion proceeded into a full-blown argument . . . over what I don't remember . . . and we started yelling at each other. Finally she screamed at me "At least I wasn't abandoned!!" I froze, shocked at what she had said. She looked at me with her arms defiantly crossed, oblivious to my raging pain until I turned and walked away. Now it was she who stood there stunned. We didn't speak for about 2 months, we eventually started saying hi to each other, but the conversation still floated up in my mind every time I saw her. We didn't have anymore, shall I say, deep conversations after that.

What she said made me think. I had never thought of myself as being abandoned, but there are others who feel they will never be completely wanted. Unfortunately, they won't have any peace until they come to terms with being adopted and some never will. I know my mother did what was best for me and I'm glad she didn't decide to abort me. I don't hold a grudge against her for putting me up for adoption. Whatever she decided was best for her; I say is the best choice she made for both of us. If she had chosen to abort me, that is her decision. If you can't tell, I think a woman has the right to choose.

Being adopted in today's society is extremely difficult, and tragically, some children are never adopted. Instead they float from foster home to foster home. I am extremely lucky to have been adopted within a month after I was born and to live the life I lead.

It bothers me that I'm not legally allowed to find anything out about my adoption till I turn 18 years of age. I may be a girl with a talent for dance and soccer and the gift of song, but not knowing where these aspects of mine come from leaves me feeling like I'm not quite complete in a way. My adoptive parents, whom I consider to be my "real" parents, have been there for me and have filled in some of the gap. They have helped me to be a well-rounded person. A person, who knows how to do things like ride a bike, read a really long book, write wonderful sermons, and take pride in who she is, no matter what other people say.

I feel as though I can accomplish a lot of things, but when I do get knocked down, I can get back up (after eating a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream) and try something different, because of what my parents have taught me about life. They try to give me the realistic view of the world and I take my share of groundings, although with some tears and pleadings of I won't do it again.

Since I am exactly one month away from turning 18 and legally being able to find out about my background, I've been putting things in perspective more and thinking if and how this information will affect the rest of my life. Even though I have no tangible connection to my biological parents, I already know I don't want to meet them, maybe later in life, when I can deal better with the emotions that will surface. Right now just having evidence that I have a history is enough to satisfy me . . . complete me.

I have come to the conclusion that even though I am my parents' child, I am not. And even though I am my birth parents' daughter, I will never be. I have always been and will always be my own person.

Thank you.

Elizabeth Schwartz

One of the most incredible things about being a creature of humanity is our individuality. We are each so unique, it is absolutely impossible for any two people to be even remotely alike. If you've got two accountants, they will go about making a decision very differently. If you take two mothers they won't necessarily think the same way. Or if you've got two immigrants from India, they will beyond a doubt, express their love for others differently. So, why do we insist on giving them the same label, focusing on how they are the same instead of why they are unique?

Why do we catagorize ourselves? Why do I find myself saying things like, "I am a teenage girl, so I should be socializing with boys." Or "I am wealthy so I should be happy." Why I am I so surprised that when my friends become "college students," they act just the same as when they were high school students?

We make up labels to put on people and give them stereotypes. Black people act like this, and gay people act like that, being married means being happy, earning a living means being satisfied. That's how we try to understand the world around us: by creating definitions and categories. Now, it's all well and good to give other people labels, but when we give ourselves labels, problems start to arise. We beat ourselves up for not fitting perfectly into the label we want. When I was little I had a particular definition of a teenager. But here I am and look at me. I don't talk on the telephone all day, I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't drive a car. What kind of a teenager am I?! This is not the way it is supposed to be. And am soooo freaked out about college because I'm going to have to declare a major sophomore year! That major is going to lead to a career which will be my label for the rest of my life. I had better find a label that fits me perfectly or else I will continue to be miserable! But I bet you that if you talk to a teenager who does talk on the phone all day, has a boyfriend, and drives a car, they would find some reason why they don't qualify for the label, teenager.

It's these labels! By adapting a label you think you will become everything that label indicates. There is a great movie called Pleasantville that focuses on this idea. At one point the divorced mother tells her son, "when I married your father, I thought everything was going to be perfect. Finally, I had the right house, I had the right clothes -- I had the right life. This is not how it's supposed to be." To which the son replies, "It's not supposed to be anything." Who knows if any mother thinks she's the perfect example of a mother or if any teenager thinks she's the perfect example of a teenager. Probably not, so lets stop beating up on ourselves about it.

Also: all of this effort we put into trying to be the perfect whatever, stifles our individuality. We're too busy trying to be the same and not appreciating how unique we each are. Think about this for a second: if for every McDonalds restaurant, there was instead a unique restaurant, and each of them were different, depending on who managed them. Instead of thousands of fast food joints that looked exactly the same and served all the same hamburgers, there would be thousands of places to eat that each had a look and a style and a taste which reflected the person who owned it. As a result, each of those unique people will get to feel pretty special and life would be that much more exciting for the rest of us.

The President of the United States said the other night in his State of the Union address that we should celebrate our differences. He was referring to the most obvious differences like political views and international cultures. That's a good starting point, but it is still keeping those labels. In our religion, we celebrate and respect the inherent worth and dignity of every single person. And someday, I may define my career and define my sexual orientation and define my role in a family, but when I accept that label, I will make that label fit who I am and not try to change who I am to fit that label.

Kristin Grassel

Finding the Inner Self: it is a complicated process. In many ways, it's a lot like music, whether learning to sing or to play an instrument, one must have a teacher. One can learn nothing without guidance, and role models. And just as in life, music takes a lot of practice. Of course, there are those, like Mozart, who are prodigies, in life. From an early age, these few really understand themselves, and have figured out exactly what they are about. However, later in life, they like the rest of us, learn and mature and must search to understand the new self which they have become. So, although we all start off in different places, it is the same music that we play, and the same search for self truth and identity that we must all go through.

Reading

I took creative writing, too -- wondering, as I still do, what other kind of writing there is -- and wrote poems about Saint Francis, about flying kites in Bermuda on Good Friday, about war and love, but in all of them I think my chief interest was less about telling some kind of truth, if only a truth about myself or what I had seen, than in trying to make an effect. "You have a way with words," my instructor, the critic R. P. Blackmur, told me, and although at the time it was like getting the Pulitzer Prize, it seems to me now that there was also a barb to his remark. I wrote poems with punch lines, had a way of making words ring out and dance a little, but there was little if any of my life's blood in my poems. I was writing for my teachers, for glory. I had not yet started trying to write either out of myself very much or for myself, partly, of course, because I had only a very dim sense of who that self was, and what with both the war and my eighteenth birthday bearing down on me hard, there was precious little time to find out.

Sermon

Ray Bradbury once quipped, "If they give you ruled paper, write the other way." It is commonly recognized now a days that adolescence is a unique time in the life of an individual, featuring remarkable growth hormonally, physically, and cognitively. It is said that the teenage years are a microcosm of life as a whole, that all the major decisions concerning life, self identity, ambitions, and relationships are experienced within this brief span of years.

When we as Unitarian Universalists talk about "search" collectively, we tend to mean that search for truth and meaning. I have found that the big question "What is the meaning of life?" is not a very useful question. The answers to that question, even when come by honestly, are too often cliché. A better, more telling question is "What is meaningful in your life?" Digging into that question produces quite profound answers; and better yet, deeper questions. The search for self, is often laden with personal and universal meaning. Someone once told me that the profoundly personal is universal. Carl Jung believed that the core of the self, beyond the archetypes and neuroses, was the very place in the psyche where God was experienced. In Hinduism, the quest for Brahman, the great God, was found in its inextricable connection to Atman, the soul. And here within our own four walls today, I am sure that many of us still see self-actualization as an ultimate goal. And so, in the search for meaning, what better place to begin than within?

In the short passage I began with by Buechner, we sense an urgency in the search for self. This certainly resonates with my experience. As a youth, I fell into creative writing accidentally. At the age of 15 I had learned a few guitar chords, but I did not know any songs. So I made up my own. Eventually I decided to say that I was writing songs, rather than just "making them up." I wrote about my passions, my questions, my anger and sadness. I poured my energy into that outlet. Looking back, I notice that I only wrote songs for all of five years. My songs were a searching. I treasure them, not for their musical quality (certainly not for their musical quality), but for the vehicle they were to self identity and expression. I was able to put down on paper a personal "State of the Union Address" if you will. In the teenage psyche, there are frequently divergent personalities and persona dependant on the context or given day. At least my search encompassed the attempt to weed out my true voice from all the attitude and posturing I put forth. In this sense, my writings were a "State of the Union of Me, Myself and I." I was often scathingly honest in my writing (emphasis on scathing rather than honest). But I made it through that time of intense self-doubt, despair, sadness. I have experienced moments of personal union, I have occasionally touched that inner part of me where God resides. And the hurdles and difficulties in life help us to find the greater depths of ourselves.

Which leads me to the pivotal statement I have for this morning. Wherever you are on your journey, in your search, you can always learn from the shared experience of others also in the search, no matter where they may be in their journey. The truth I have found, which I impart to all who may hear, is this: have faith. Trust yourself, listen to others, and stay the course. And let your light shine!

In a world with out end. May it be so.

Cedar Lane Unitarian Universalist Church
9601 Cedar Lane, Bethesda, Maryland 20814-4099
Tel: 301-493-8300    Fax: 301-897-5713
e-mail: office@CedarLane.org
Sunday Services at 10 a.m.
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