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Sexuality and Spirituality
A Sermon Given by
The Reverend Roberta M. Nelson
on January 28, 2001
at Cedar Lane Unitarian Universalist Church
Bethesda, Maryland
Sermon
Sex is a just three letter word, but what power it has in our lives and culture. Take a minute to recall your own sex education. Was it adequate or inadequate? Did you have to unlearn what you were taught or learned from your peers? Did it open or close doors to your understanding? Did you -- or do you -- find it easy to talk about it with your children or other adults? When you think about sexuality today, what are the messages and images that are projected through the print and TV media, advertisements, clothes, and music?
From my experience, most people do not feel that they had an adequate sexuality education, still feel inadequate talking with their children, and are grateful that the church has stepped up to the plate. The messages and images projected by the media are confusing, exploitative, inappropriate, and often misleading.
I want to share with you a brief history of how the UUA became involved in sexuality education. In 1969, a religious education conference considered the needs of youth and their parents. The highest priority expressed was for sound sexuality material congruent with our religious tradition. By 1971, About Your Sexuality was being field tested in congregations -- including Cedar Lane -- across the US and Canada. These events also marked my beginning a long journey with About Your Sexuality and now Our Whole Lives. For over twenty-five years, AYS -- with
a couple of revisions -- served our purposes very well. Our young people applauded the open and honest communication and the trust we had in them to handle the issues, decision making, and communication skills that are integral to the program. AYS also opened a door for the Association to a discussion of homosexuality, thus freeing many men and women from a life "in the closet" and providing a more open accepting environment for them to be all they could be. Although the journey to acceptance has come a long way, it has a long way still to go -- AYS was just the first step.
At least ten years ago, we knew that AYS needed a major revision. At that time, the UUA and the UCC entered into a joint project to revise the curriculum. I was asked to serve as chair of the task force. It was the most exciting, rewarding interfaith work I have ever done. By the end of the first meeting almost nine years ago, we had decided that a revision was not possible. Too much had changed: issues of gender, AIDS, the media, the culture. By the end of our second meeting, we had decided that we needed more than just a program for 7th - 9th grade youth.
The program that evolved has curricula for five age groups: grades K-1, 4-6, 7-9, 10-12, and adults. At Cedar Lane, we are currently using the material in grade 8 and in our senior high program. The program, which cost approximately $800,000 to develop, was funded by both denominations and by substantial grants from the Ford and Turner Foundations.
Before going farther, I want publicly to say a special word of appreciation to the men and women in this congregation who have and are giving their time, attention, and commitment to teaching our young people. There are many I do not know, but here are the ones who have taught during my 14 years or shortly before: Frances (Hekhuis) Hughes, Bob and Sylvia Jones, Bob and Helen Pechacek, Arlene Schneider, Randy Grant, Bonnie Bloomquist, Vida Morley, Maury Merkin, Brook Andrews, Laurie Richardson and Ken Maddox, Betsy and David Devlin-Foltz, Holly Van Goor, Chris Nelson, Rob Lyles and
Barbara Chiapella, Donna Firer and Carl Thompson. They deserve our appreciation.
In the Task Force's 1994 report advocating the new curriculum, I wrote,
"We come together as representatives of two denominations to create a vision for a positive and comprehensive life-span sexuality education program. It is our religious heritages that compel and guide us to create a safe environment within which people can come to understand and respond to the challenges facing them as sexual beings. We are grounded as faith communities in a common and continuing promotion of justice for all people. We affirm the dignity of the individual, the importance of personal responsibility, and the essential interdependence of all peoples."
We know that there are those in our country who believe that sexuality education encourages young people to have sex, resulting in teen pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. There is no documented evidence to that effect. Recently the World Health Organization released information that contradicts that view noting that European countries that have instituted sex education programs have experienced substantially fewer teenage pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. Unfortunately, in the US only abstinence based programs are eligible for Federal funding.
Abstinence is a responsible solution to teenage pregnancy and the spread of disease. However, these programs omit information about safe sex and contraception except to emphasize the unreliability of available methods. The approach is based on fear. There is a lot of sex going on out there -- more than a quarter of teenage girls have intercourse by age 15, more than a million become pregnant yearly, and at least 3 million teens acquire sexually transmitted diseases each year.
"Just say no" does not help anyone who does not have what it takes to undergird the "no" -- respect for self, communication and decision making skills and values that are stronger than the pressures of peers and the media. In a recent study by the Kaiser Family Foundation, parents, teens, teachers, and principals advocated for a more open and responsible approach to sexuality education: teaching about contraception, masturbation, gender issues, love making, decision making, values, and responsibility. Recently, in an interview for the Washington Post, I was
asked about sexuality in the public schools. I said that it would be impossible in the current climate of our multi-faith, multi-culture society to deal with critical issues of sexuality and challenged all religious institutions to become sexuality educators congruent with their religious tradition. At the same time, young people without a religious institution need to have access to accurate information and skill building from community agencies not bound by religious restrictions.
We are sexual persons from birth to death. Our beliefs and behaviors will develop throughout our lives. It is important that we acknowledge that individuals can give and express their sexuality in a variety of healthy ways. Human beings are continually searching for meaning. In a religious community, we are free to explore the ways in which our sexuality can enrich our lives and sexual expression is one of the ways we encounter the spiritual. In the religious community the whole person is touched by worship, nurture, education, support, challenge, advocacy, forgiveness, and healing. A
major responsibility we must address is one of education for justice.
Education for justice allows a rigorous examination of the negative factors that permit or enforce inequity, abuse, violence, harassment, and exploitation. We need to be change agents committed to one of our core principles: the worth and dignity of every person. We need to be a community of affirmation, trust, confidentiality, and authenticity.
When AYS was published in 1971, the UUA had not articulated a set of purposes and principles. The new curriculum is grounded in them.
Four of these in particular clearly call us to offer such programs:
The inherent worth and dignity of every person. We want our young people to respect the worth and dignity of their own selves, including their bodies. We want them to respect the worth and dignity of others, including those who may be different from them.
Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations. Our Whole Lives addresses the elements of loving, equitable and healthy relationships and counters injustices such as homophobia, stereotyping, and sexism..
A free and responsible search for truth and meaning. Our Whole Lives invites youth to engage their minds and listen to their hearts in identifying their values and acquiring the knowledge and skills to live by them. It nurtures a trusting, respectful community in which all voices are heard.
The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all. Our Whole Lives encourages youth to value themselves, seek healthy relationships with others and act on their values throughout their lives.
All OWL material is developed to be appropriate for the age to which it is addressed. There are a multitude of reasons why we need to address comprehensive sexuality education. Every day we are bombarded with negative messages about our sexuality. There is discrimination. There is hate and hostility against people who are different. The state of Maryland has yet to pass a hate crimes bill. A woman's right to choose is being threatened. The nominee for US Attorney General has not been forthright in his answers to questions in this regard.
The mission we need to undertake is to be courageous and knowledgeable so that we may reduce the violence toward body and spirit. By so doing, we can transform a cultural climate of fear and confusion allowing all to live with clearer understandings and wholeness.
Our sexuality program embodies all we prize and cherish. Our deepest concern is the development of a sense of faith that invites children, youth, and adults to learn and hope, to lean and move with expectancy into the future.
One of our ministers, the reverend Beth Graham, wrote recently of having taken About Your Sexuality when she was a youth, and of the UU Church as a place to get sexuality education. She wrote,
"I had learned from my earliest years about the inherent tensions between freedom and responsibility. I had learned about respect for any individual's integrity and dignity. I had learned about the importance of honoring all the members of the family of humanity that I was born into. I had learned the importance of respecting different people's rights and opinions. To learn ... about human sexuality in an environment that had nurtured me from my earliest years ... was such a relief.... It was perhaps the most important religious education class I experienced."
When I entered ministry 42 years ago, I could never have imagined the journey I have been on with sexuality education. It has been made possible because of the exceptional people who have come together in our religious communities -- people with vision, dedication, integrity, and energy to companion others on their journey.
I am proud of our Association for the risks it has taken to make these dreams a reality for all of us regardless of our age and gender. Through our work together may sex, the three letter word, take on new meaning.
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