Graduating Seniors' Service

A Reflection by Zach Axelrod

Those of us in this room are very lucky. We are here because we choose to be. We take this for granted, but think of how many people attend services at least once a week either out of fear that God will punish them if they do not, or because they think they "are supposed to." They believe what others tell them, and donate time and money because that’s what their parents did, or because they feel obligated to do so. This is not to say other religions are not useful and productive institutions which benefit individuals and society at large, they do. However, if you do something out of a perceived obligation, are you really making a choice? I would say only partially so. We are lucky because if we do not show up to church we know God won’t punish us. We won’t be chastised by others for not coming. We are here out of no obligation to anyone but ourselves, we make a completely free choice and this is what I love about Cedar Lane and Unitarian Universalism.

I must admit that for many years I was "forced" to come here. Every Sunday I fought to be allowed to go play softball with my dad. I didn’t mind church, it was fine, but I really wanted to go play ball instead. My mom made me come to church, however, telling me that soon I would be able to make my own decision. If I chose never to come back, that would be my own decision. About the time I got to make my decision– church or baseball and sleep, I chose church. I felt no pressure to do so. If anything my old desire to play ball pushed me in that direction. However, it was at this time that I realized how lucky I was at Cedar Lane. I could believe whatever my search led me to, and I felt the focus on humanism and community fit into my personal beliefs. I made this choice at 14, and became a pledging member at 16.

Everyone in this room has their own, probably far more interesting, story of how they became a Unitarian Universalist. What makes our religion unique is that everyone has a story because everyone here made a conscious decision to become a Unitarian Universalist. I am very grateful to Cedar Lane for the community it has provided, and for how it has helped me shape my own beliefs. Thank you all for being part of my Cedar Lane community, and remember how fortunate we all are to be able to choose a place like this.

Like my friends who have shared their reflections today, I got some mail from the church a few weeks ago. The letter inside invited me to participate in this service, commemorating my graduation from Religious Education. I’m glad the church has given me this opportunity, but I don’t see this day as the departure that the phrase "graduation from Religious Education" implies. Today is the day that I arrive, my first day as a full-fledged, practicing Unitarian Universalist. Today is the first day that I belong in the Big Church.

I loved my time in R.E. I loved putting on Sukkoth in Festivals and Celebrations. I loved packing food for MANNA in middle school. And I loved the progressive Our Whole Lives, high school class. I’ve kept coming every week long since my parents made me. Religious Education was where I learned what it means to be a spiritual person; what it means to live a moral life; and what the principles mean by "a free and responsible search for truth and meaning." It was why my parents chose this church for me, and eventually why I chose it for myself.

Today, I feel like I am being promoted. I’m ready; I did all of the training and now I’ve got a job. From this day forth it is my duty as a member of this Church to apply what I learned in R.E., and what I will learn on Sundays in the future to my life. I will strive to be more tolerant and accept those who are not like me because on Sundays in second grade my own mother taught me about the evils of discrimination. I will appreciate the value and lessons in the Bible. Even though our religion does not necessarily consider it sacred, in fifth grade I learned that a truly educated person must have a working knowledge of the Good Book and other works of scripture. And I will do the best I can to respect the people that I have relationships with, as Carl Thomsen and Donna Freer have taught me to do over the past two years.

The thing that I like most about this religion is that it is a thinking-man’s religion. This is not a religion where you can read a book or two and be an expert. We are challenged as Unitarian Universalists to keep learning and keep growing as people throughout our entire lives. A Unitarian Universalist can’t go through the motions every Sunday, and show up and zone out and think that the spiritual side of his life is all taken care of. We don’t stop. A true UU is committed to improving his spiritual life in a constant way. That is the challenge that everyone in this congregation has been living with and that I now accept. I have committed myself to a lifetime of learning and growth in the Unitarian Universalist faith. So today is not a graduation. I’ll graduate this religion on the day that I die. Today is an arrival and am honored to be here.

When I was in the fourth grade, most kids my age complained about their parents making them go to church. I had to ask my parents to go. We finally joined Cedar Lane after an extensive search. While I became increasingly attached to Cedar Lane, my parents went from attending services regularly, to dropping me off at class and going home, to asking me when I started driving, "Are you going to church today?" I’d like to thank my parents for abandoning me. I mean introducing me to Cedar Lane because a whole other world opened up for me. My point is that although my parents introduced me to this community, it was ultimately my choice to remain a part of it.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that our society can not exist without a certain degree of tolerance and understanding. There’s no longer any room for closed minds in the world. If you choose not to be open to certain beliefs and ideas, you’re not only limiting your own knowledge, you’re also contributing to the decay of society. A community can only thrive if there is diversity. By diversity I mean both diversity of culture, background, and also belief. I am a very strong believer that controversy makes us better and that our society shouldn’t run from it. In a society that is so focused on being politically correct and constantly using the right term for the right group all the time, a lot of people walk on eggshells so as not to offend their neighbors. The problem with this practice is that we’re not true to ourselves if we don’t honestly express our thoughts and feelings. It doesn’t do anyone justice to say what is least likely to cause any conflict. The fact is that we all grow from discussing our differences in belief and opinion. It makes us stronger because conflict challenges us to reassess our ideas or look at them from a different point of view. We shouldn’t be scared of this challenge, but rather embrace it.

This is what Cedar Lane has taught me. I’ve learned not to run from controversy, and that it’ s O.K. for people to have different points of view as long as they’re willing to openly discuss them and remain open-minded. This has gotten me through high school and this will be what I take with me to college in the fall. I’m not scared to challenge others and I always love being challenged myself. Go ahead. Bring it on. I’ll say this to anyone no matter if they’re richer, older, more educated or more distinguished than I am. Cedar Lane has taught me that I have worth as a individual and so do my ideas. When I tell many people that I’m a Unitarian they ask, "So, you can basically believe anything you want? What kind of religion is that?" All I have to ask them is what kind of person would that make me if I wanted to be told what to think, feel, and believe about the world. If a religion’s purpose is to dictate what a person’s beliefs should be, then I guess I don’t want any part of it. But Unitarian Universalism and Cedar Lane have not guided me to where I am now by reinforcing a strict set of beliefs. (A matter of fact the closest thing we have to a "strict set of beliefs" are the 7 Principles, which more or less say that people should be nice to each other and respect each other’s opinions.) Cedar Lane has guided me by allowing me to grow and explore my ideas. I can’t even express in words how lucky I feel to go to a church that allows me to make my own path and to finally become a part of this congregation.

Coming home from a recent college visit, a bunch of pre-frosh and I halfheartedly jumped into one of those typical over-privileged teenage conversations, railing against the injustices of the world you know? One girl started in on her bigoted parents, I think I brought up something about Venezuela, and then some guys started protesting the dangers of organized religion. I think some agnostic hormone really starts kicking you in the head at about age 18, because everyone really agreed with that one. And we weren’t talking about all the recent scandals surrounding the Catholic Church. I think that was both too controversial and not controversial enough for us. No, we were talking about the fundamental problems with the whole ritual. The starched old white men droning on over their starched white prayer books; the men trudging, rank and file into their seats, brooding reverently over last night’s game; the kids squirming and sticking gum under the pews. Oh and of course the confession, "Bless me Father for I have sinned." Sorry, but I think that’s pretty bogus. You know? What about, "Praise me, Father, cause I did something I’m pretty proud of. Challenge me, Father, cause I’m worried about Palestinian water rights." I mean why can’t we emphasize that stuff? Congratulate me, because I’m going to college. Reassure me, because I’m going to college. Embrace me, because a man did something wrong to me that I’m having trouble forgetting. Don’t find me when I’m lost, just let me know that you believe in me enough to know that I will find myself. Don’t reach out to me because I’m gay, bi, black, reach out to me because I’m human, and I deserve that.

I respect this community for providing me, as an embryonic adult, with the tools I needed to get here. I respect the R.E. program for having the guts to sit a group of kids in a room together, probing questions, impure thoughts and all, and to nurture those questions, those impure thoughts out of us. For the past 18 years, if I’m still upset about something, mad about something, come Sunday it’s drawn out of me within the first five minutes of class. I mean problems aren’t always solved. But they’re sort of murmured over appreciatively, which can really help. And I think that’s the kind of confession we pseudo-rebels really need right now. It’s been such a blessing to pencil something like that in every week, Sunday at 10:45, and to have teachers who are actively interested in our lives. And that’s what I’m going to miss most as I take the proverbial leap into the big church– that cohesive, respectful support network that’s part of AA meeting, part of Sex in the City dinner, part of childhood campfire circle. I thank this church for having the backbone not to sweep our confessions under the rug with a couple of "Hail Marys." I mean that I think you guys have raised a pretty good crop of kids this time–not by threatening us with Hell or excommunication (Can you imagine what you’d have to do to get excommunicated from the Unitarian church?);not by threats; but by sheer respect for the weight of our opinions. By drilling us not on the seven deadly sins but on the seven principles of a compassionate life, you’ve raised us to be not only socially responsible, but spiritually responsible. You’ve taught me to believe in human love through human effort. And now, I wholeheartedly embrace this church as my own.

Hi, my name is Hope Swank, and I have been attending Sunday school here at Cedar Lane since Duso. Some of my favorite memories include: constructing a giant cardboard teepee with my parents and showing it off in the courtyard; attending an AME church in the district; being the tail of a Chinese dragon; and learning my Bible. I also really enjoyed the eighth grade OWL class. It was a place we could go, talk and learn, when we really needed it. Plus there is a certain amount of status to be won when your friends know you applied a contraceptive to a cucumber at your church.

Over the years I have been more or less faithful about coming to church, usually attending whenever I didn’t have some important soccer game, swim meet or sleep over to attend. This year however was different. I had spent six months on a study abroad program in Chile not returning to the states until August. When I became stressed about entering my senior year in high school, knowing nothing about the college process and not exactly in the let’s shop for back to school clothes mood, I decided church just wasn’t for me. I had too much on my plate already, and besides I had to swim early on Saturday mornings. I saw not having a day to sleep in as pretty inhuman. Surely I couldn’t rely on Jewish holidays alone to catch up on my sleep debt. My parents calmly pointed out that 10:45 on a Sunday morning shouldn’t be all that traumatic. But when they returned home on the following Sunday, after a rather lengthy coffee hour, and found no sign of my having emerged, awake, from the basement, they decided not to push it.

Eventually though, I felt I should least go and say hi to everyone I hadn’t seen in more than half a year. Unfortunately for me and my maximum REM plan, the class I attended was really interesting. It felt good to see some familiar faces again, and discuss things that I couldn’t describe any other way than well, relevant. I remembered why, long after it had been mandatory, I had continued coming to church. I like it here. I like Unitarian Universalism.

In Chile, I went to a Catholic school and lived with a non-practicing Catholic family. I stood during "Nuestro Padre" every morning. One of the first questions I was asked was what religion I was. "Uuuuh .... Protestant," I replied. Being a UU is hard enough to explain in English, I didn’t want to think of trying it in Spanish. But, as I made friends and got a grasp for the language, I opened up. I told my friends, and even my religion class, "finding Jesus" about my church and my religion. I explained about our respect for the interdependent web of life, and that the RE program is more focused on preaching tolerance than anything else. I realized I was proud of what I was, and where I essentially was raised.

So it was to this church that I returned to this fall. Waking up at the crack of 10 a.m. each morning, braving the harsh Bethesda elements, I come to this place which I have grown to love. But I am handsomely rewarded for my efforts. I have a place where I can come to freely express my ideas, and unlike in many other churches, hear some that are quite different than mine. I have a place where I am always learning. I practice a religion that doesn’t shirk at the idea of unanswerable questions. Mostly I am surrounded by you all.

Thank you.

Cedar Lane Unitarian Universalist Church
9601 Cedar Lane, Bethesda, Maryland 20814-4099
Tel: 301-493-8300    Fax: 301-897-5713
e-mail: office@CedarLane.org
Sunday Services at 10 a.m.
© 1998-2008, Cedar Lane Unitarian Universalist Church
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