Are We Having Fun Yet?

Alida M. DeCoster

January 26, 1997

Cedar Lane Unitarian Universalist Church

Bethesda, Maryland

When I was leaving the Cedar Lane Board of Trustees meeting on Tuesday night, I found this in the wastebasket. There was Goofy, listening in on our Board meeting, the whole time. I wonder who threw Goofy away. I’ve brought Goofy back to be the mascot of this sermon. I am not saying that silliness and fun are the answer to every problem, but today, at the end of January, a bleak time of year, I want to remind us all to have fun, to laugh at ourselves a little, to get Goofy out of the wastebasket.

Are we having fun yet? Do you have much fun in your life? I must say, I am in a very fun time of my life, getting ready to be married in May, so I am seizing the moment to speak about fun this morning. I know that life can be very difficult at times. This may not be a fun time in your life. Playfulness may not hit the right note in a time of tragedy. But for most of us, a reminder to have fun and not take ourselves so seriously can provide an antidote to the perfectionism that often drives us

First I want to talk about playfulness, and why play can have a bad reputation. Then I will reflect on the tradition of the wise fool. I will talk about how play relates to art. I will also share with you some insights from Stephen Covey’s new book First Things First, and finally talk about having fun here at Cedar Lane.

When you were a child, what was your favorite way to play? Do remember getting lost for hours in the world of fantasy and imagination? Did you have a favorite hiding place, a favorite toy, a favorite activity? For me there were many wonderful engaging activities. My cousin Jane and I were lucky to have a trunk of old formal gowns from her grandmother. We spent many a Saturday dressing up, having tea parties, and pretending we were fancy ladies. I also loved forts and hiding places. We would put blankets over the dining room table and make a cave. Later, I made dug out forts outside with my friend Laura. We read the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder and pretended we were living on the prairie. I loved my dollhouse and my dolls and spent endless hours making doll clothes and furnishings. Several neighborhood kids and I put on the “Kooky Karnival” on our street a few times. The best feature was the “funhouse” with peeled grapes for eyeballs and so forth. What do you remember? Do you remember that feeling of really having fun? Of being absorbed in creativity without perfectionism?

We know from developmental theorists that for children, play has an important function in helping us learn skills for adult life. But that is not all that play is for. Play is also for itself, and adults who can still play freely, if responsibly, are happier for it.

Erik Erikson in an essay “Play and Vision” suggests some of the reasons why play may have negative connotations for adult life. “Players,” as in the Tim Robbins movie, The Player, are manipulators who are out for themselves. We associate “the games people play” with selfish behavior. Erikson writes, “the ability to lie and the ability to pretend are connected and owe their existence to the same source: imagination.” Imagination, therefore, can be used for good or ill. Play can be healthy or not.

Why else are we leery of playful adults? “Happy hour” refers to the use of alcohol to induce a sense of release and enjoyment. Adult life is so tense and full of pressure that people often seek artificial means to let down and have a good time. The term “partying” usually refers to chemical use and abuse. Though moderate alcohol use can contribute to a sense of festivity and fun, we should be able to enjoy ourselves without it. Considering the prevalence of addiction and all its problems, it is no wonder that we may be suspicious of people who are having too good a time.

In addition, many of us fear losing control above all else. Being playful implies letting go of our self control, and that can be scary if we are holding a lot inside. If we lose control, where might it lead?

Yes, play has a bad reputation. Our Calvinist heritage does not encourage us to loosen up. We must be serious and responsible, set a good example and continue to get better and better in every way. Oy ve! We all know the Bible passage about putting away childish things. I prefer the message of one of my favorite Bible passages, Matthew 18, in which Jesus says “truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Like all Bible verses, this one is open to various interpretations, but today, I suggest that “being like a child” means an ability to let go of our control and perfectionism enough to play, to humble ourselves, to laugh at ourselves. Then we become ready to experience the joyful heaven that is available to us here and now.

“A fool knows himself to be wise and a wise man knows himself to be a fool...”

This Shakespeare quote struck me when I first heard it and has stuck with me ever since. The tradition of the wise fool is a long and honored one in western folklore. The court jester, the fool, the clown and in other traditions, the trickster, are there to lightly bring forth the shadow. The comic geniuses of our time (such as Woody Allen and Lily Tomlin) do the same. They help us laugh at ourselves and thus help us to become more wise.

Play in a positive sense is connected to all forms of creativity. There is divinity in creation at all levels. Playfulness is natural, god given. We create, as we are created and participate in the divine creative life around us. Play, playfulness, foolishness, creativity, art. All these are interrelated. Religious educator Maria Harris in her book Teaching and Religious Imagination writes of the importance of aesthetic (artistic) education and development. Human development has been explored from many angles. Psychosocial, cognitive, moral and faith development are established as interpretations of maturity, but our development as creative beings is not sufficiently recognized.

It is a tragedy that arts programs are the first to be cut from school budgets. It is through artistic expression that we learn to play, to create, to express ourselves, to allow spontaneity. That is one reason the Beacon House/Cedar Lane camp program is so exciting. These children will have opportunities to really be creative and experience the playful side of life with a storyteller, a mime, music and other arts. This kind of experience teaches us to accept all parts of ourselves, to be whole, to enjoy life. Too many of us were discouraged at a young age by perfectionistic art teachers. The motto of art education should be “no win, no fail, just make.”

Harris writes, “Art demands affiliation with the concrete material of the earth. It demands a sense of play. It demands that some moments not be productive. It is not for use. ... It is also the nature of art not to provide or promote any one answer as the solution or definitive meaning of adulthood...In art, multiform possibilities for interpretation always exist.” Harris implies that artistic expression and play transcend dualism, help us reach beyond the solely rational interpretation of mature adulthood and enrich and heal our lives. I heartily agree.

She also praises foolishness, as one of the great “wisdoms.” She urges her students to experiment with clowning, in an attempt to gain an understanding of their limits and their creative gifts. One student, Diane Lockwood wrote. “I dance in my humanity. The clown sang so today, for then the world’s insanity skips briskly from our way.”

Perhaps you saw the Cathy cartoon in last Sunday’s paper. I believe she was riding her new exercise bike as she was thinking to herself about how far behind she was on everything. She worried about all the lunches and appointments she had put off until after the holidays. Now she has to put off new requests for lunches and appointments because she is still so behind. She’ll be behind until next December when she starts putting things off until after the holidays again. Busy busy busy. We are so busy. Everyone I talk to is so busy, including me. What is it all about?

According to Stephen Covey in his new book First Things First, it is not about poor time management. Better time management is not the answer to managing an overly busy life. He believes we are caught up in an addiction which he calls the urgency addiction. We feel excited and alive when we think things are very urgent. He says our lives are too clock driven and not compass driven. That is, we have not determined what our true values are. We live from crisis to crisis rather than really clarifying for ourselves what our principles of living should be. Weare not being the leaders of our own lives, but living in reaction. He sets out a procedure for planning a more principle-centered life. I think this would be very useful for some of us. Today I am suggesting that one of those principles could be to have more fun.

As I was reading Cathy I found myself wondering, “but isn’t it fun going out to lunch and taking care of appointments? So what if you’re behind.” What about just enjoying whatever is on your plate? Last weekend, besides reading the funnies, I listened to Garrison Keillor’s News from Lake Woebegone. The message of the story was clear. There is a character, Bob, who left Lake Woebegone and moved to Florida where he was very successful in real estate. In fact, he made a killing in real estate. But he went back home to northern Minnesota every winter to go ice fishing and visit with old friends. His ice fishing shack had two bedrooms and a Jacuzzi. Bob would go back there and reminisce and get kind of maudlin sometimes. Between swigs of peppermint schnapps, he reflected on his life, and remarked that the things that had brought him the most happiness in life had been the things that he had not chosen. What made him most happy in life had been how he had made the best of the things that had happened to him, made the best of the things he had not chosen. Made the best of what he had.

So, I want to say to Cathy, “So what if you’re busy. If you can’t seem to change that, have fun being busy. If you cannot change the pace, at least enjoy the things you are doing.” Have fun with it. Also, goof up once in awhile. Say you’re too tired and cancel once in awhile. Life is a vacation between two eternities. Have fun on vacation!

How about having fun here at Cedar Lane? Originally, I planned to give this sermon last fall to kick off the idea of having more fun activities here in our church community. At the time, it turned out that my internal compass was steering me toward a sermon on prayer, so I did that. But the fun sermon had to be. This is it. Guess what! The Fun Bunch is already in high gear, so this sermon is not aimed at creating a new activity. The “Revelers Without a Cause” have already sponsored a really fun chili dinner and a monthly brunch. More activities are being planned. Watch for announcements in the newsletter.

There are a lot of talented people here at Cedar Lane, and talented people are often perfectionists. Because of this, we sometimes have trouble having fun. I am glad to say this is not true of our new fun bunch. But, often over the years, I have noticed that people are knocking themselves out to make an event bigger and better than ever. There are a lot of tough acts to follow at Cedar Lane. That makes it hard to have fun sometimes. It’s ok to do something that is not bigger and better than last year. It’s ok to be casual instead of elegant. This is not to say that quality does not matter. It does. But pressure to outperform ourselves and others can really get in the way of enjoying life.

What are we here for? Here at Cedar Lane and here on earth? What are we really here for? What is the real purpose of living, do you suppose? What would Goofy say? By the way, does anyone know what kind of animal Goofy is?

Today I suggest that the purpose of life is to enjoy it. I do not mean that in a hedonistic way, nor in an individualistic way. Enjoyment is actually a term used by process theologians as the purpose of all life. It would take me a long time to explain the concept, and I do not fully understand all its implications, but it sure sounds good to me. I’ll try a capsule version of what I understand. Whitehead, the most famous process theologian, says the purpose of all life is maximum freedom and fulfillment for all beings. All life urges move us in that direction. Because all life is absolutely interconnected, we cannot do it alone. Our happiness and enjoyment must be tied to that of others, so we cannot be simply selfish in our enjoyment. Helping others and promoting the health of all of life is part of this universal enjoyment. This idea implies that appreciation of the beauty, delight and fun of life is good and right and what we are here for. It implies that having fun is about awareness, not escape. We are here to enjoy ourselves in a profound way. We are here to participate in creation and to be open to experience. At times this means being a fool. At times this means being an artist. It always means being human.

I think this quote by G.K. Chesterton gets at what it means to be a fool of God, to be a foolish lover of life. Chesterton is referring to the Dickens character, Pickwick:

Pickwick goes through life with that god-like gullibility which is the key to all adventures...The greenhorn is the ultimate victor in everything. It is he, or she, who gets the most out of life...his soul will never starve for exploits or excitement who is wise enough to be made a fool of. He will make himself happy in the traps that have been laid for him. He will roll in their nets and sleep. All doors will fly open for those who have a mildness more defiant than mere courage. The whole is unerringly expressed in one fortunate phrase: they will always be “taken in.” To be taken in everywhere is to see the inside of everything. It is the hospitality of circumstance. With torches and trumpets, like a guest, the greenhorn is taken in by life. And the skeptic is cast out by it.

Goofy, the greenhorn, the playful, humble, innocent child, are indeed “taken in” by life.

Finally, it is the enjoyment of our very precious moments on this earth that give life its meaning. This moment, now, here. The very fun of this moment, the beauty and power of this fearful rapturous moment. No matter what happens, if you can laugh, if you can keep your sense of humor, anything is possible. Let us play and laugh and dance. Now there’s a New Year’s resolution.

Selected Sources

Stephen Covey and A. & R. Merrill, First Things First, 1994

Erik Erikson, “Play and Vision” in Toys and Reasons, 1977

Maria Harris, “An Artistic Model” in Teaching and Religious Imagination, 1987

Cedar Lane Unitarian Universalist Church
9601 Cedar Lane, Bethesda, Maryland 20814-4099
Tel: 301-493-8300    Fax: 301-897-5713
e-mail: office@CedarLane.org
Sunday Services at 9 and 11 a.m.
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